Then and now

Tuesdays (and all of March!) at Two Writing Teachers!

Then

I was a perpetual motion machine

Churning out work until dark,

constantly striving for perfection,

one of the last cars in the parking lot.

Then

there was never enough time.

Rigid neck, tense shoulders, tight back.

Ruled by self-imposed schedules and checklists.

Analyzing, re-adjusting, overthinking.

Then

I couldn't turn off my brain

Worries bounced around my head,

clattering like pinballs, 

piling up until I was trapped.

Then

I couldn't see anything different.

How could I 

leave school earlier?

work out? 

relax (not just collapse)?

Still write, read, and do band?
With a baby?

How could I still be me?

But now

I walk out into afternoon sunlight,

humming, with light steps and clear eyes.

What's done is done, and the rest can wait.

Now

I work even more intensely

not just to be a better teacher, 

but also a better me.

Now

I close the lid on the worries

and flip a switch: 

Mommy!

Now

I breathe deeply and ponder possibilities:

the park? Read and play? Shopping? 

Snuggles?

Now

I live in wide smiles and sparkling eyes,

Wiggles, waves, giggles, and glee.

So much joy.

Now

There's somehow more of me in everything I do:

more energy, 

more peace, 

more strength, 

more love.