"How did I do last night?" Rainbow Girl, nestled in my arms, looks up at me expectantly.
"I was just going to tell you how great you did!" I make sure my voice is extra enthusiastic. "You talked for just a little bit, and then you went right to sleep!" (Lately, she's been talking and playing in her bed for over an hour after we put her down, and we've been trying to get it back down to a more reasonable amount of time.) I gently lay her in her toddler bed and pull up her covers around her. Leaning closer, I loud-whisper, "I think your new Mama-love bracelet helped!"
She nods vigorously, pulling her wrist up to her face and wrapping her other arm around it. "It kissed me! The Mama-love bracelet kissed me in the night! And hugggggged me!" Her big eyes crinkle in the duskiness. "And I kissed and hugged it!" She smushes her wrist against her cheek and squeezes it with her other arm.
Her eyes fly open wide and she half-sits up. "Can I kiss yourrrrs?"
"Of course! I would love that, Sweetie Pie!" I pat her head.
Moonlight glints off the tiny bronze heart bead as I extend my wrist towards her face, and I remember how she'd pointed out the shine yesterday afternoon when I surprised her and Sis with these matching bracelets. ("The heart is GOLD! It will SHINE in the dark!") Her tiny hands grasp my arm and tug it against her as she sweetly smooches my bracelet over and over.
"Mama love!" she sighs, and I slowly back my way out of her room after one last huggle, waving the "I love you" hand sign and blowing kisses like every night.
As I close her door, I glance at the pink strands on my wrist, just as I did often throughout school today. I picture the way she squealed and kissed her bracelet as soon as I pulled them out of the bag after school yesterday, the way she keeps announcing, "It's waterproof! Coo-wohl, right?" every time she washed her hands, and the way she carefully pulled up her sleeve just enough for the bracelet to peek out at bedtime. I remember her big sister happily declaring, "These bracelets are perfect, Mommy!" after school today.
I bought them so the girls would feel connected to me and each other through the last couple of months of school after spring break, but I'm sure feeling the magic in mine too.
I'm standing in my doorway overlooking the sea of 8th graders at class change, feeling like a piece of coral buffeted by strong currents and (very) large fish (with very large backpacks!), when I feel the gentle buzz on my wrist. There's still a couple minutes before class starts, so I pull my arm up and sneak a peek: it's a text from our nanny with a picture.
Quickly, I tap and scroll down, glad that my new watch lets me take a quick look without pulling out my phone. It's a piece of construction paper covered in colored dots, with a message below: "Rainbow Girl said 'when I look at this, I see my mommy because I love her!'"
My heart feels as if it's flying up out of my chest, through the ceiling, out of my school, and down the street to our house just across the neighborhood to give my sweet Mama's girl a hug.
My students walk in, and I greet them by name. We read together, play a speaking game together, and write together. We laugh together, and I really enjoy my time with them. One does his best work of probably the entire school year, and I end the day by telling him over and over how proud I am of him.
But when the bell rings, I can't wait to get home to see my sweetie pie who loves me so much that she saw me in a craft of colored dots she made. There's a new text from the nanny: "She made special love cards for everyone in her family! <3"
She's asleep when Sis and I get home, but in just a few minutes, the door to her room slowly creaks open. She timidly peeks out, and her eyes crinkle into her brightest smile when she sees me. "Mama!" she coos down, peering through the banister of the great room "bridge".
"Mia said you were thinking of Mama today when you looked at your craft!"
She nods silently but sweetly, still a little groggy, a long braid sliding up and down her shoulder.
"I was thinking of you too!" I blow a kiss upstairs as I wash my hands. "And she said you made some love cards for everyone in our family?"
"Yeah!!!" Her excitement gets her skipping and yelling. "For you! And there's one for you, Sissy!" She points enthusiastically down at her big sister. "And Daddy! And grandparents too!" She's frolicking in the upstairs hallway now, bouncing as I scurry up the stairs.
"I can't wait to see them!" I scoop her up and give her a kiss. Her tiny arms wrap around me and she snuggles her little head into my shoulder as I carry her back downstairs.
At the bottom, she wriggles down my hip and scampers over to the kitchen table, grabbing a pile of light blue papers. "I think I remember which one is yours!"
So much love! <3
She digs through the pile. "Happy Love Day!" she declares as she hands mine to me, and I wonder if they watched that episode of Daniel Tiger or read the book today.
"And LOOK! Sissy! This is YOURS!"
It's upside down, but you can see where she wrote the letters of her name (top left)!
She waves another paper at her big sis, who pulls her into a hug, and croons, "You wrote your name!!! I love it! Thank you, Sweetie Pie!"
Next, she adds a drawing of "our family" to my page, declaring first that the dots will be our sidewalk, then deciding instead that we're resting on cloud pillows. I can't wait to take it to school and hang it in my classroom, knowing that "when I look at this, I['ll] see [her]. Because I love her." <3
My finished "love card"! <3 Don't you love the way she draws people with all their little appendages sticking out???
As soon as the narrow back hallway from my school to Sweetie's school opens up into the wide brightness of her cafeteria, I spot her blonde hair and pink mask bouncing towards me. I'm excited to talk to her about the author visit they had today, but then I notice something multicolored in her hand.
"It's my puffmobile!" she declares. "We built them today, but I haven't tested it out yet! My friend's went really far though!"
I'm about to ask what a puffmobile even is when I notice her little sister's name on it. And a rainbow. And, as I look more closely, a bunny (her sister's favorite animal). "You decorated it for Rainbow Girl?!"
"It's a sisters' puffmobile!" she announces proudly. "One side is for her and one side is for me! Her side has a rainbow and a bunny, and my side has a sunshine and a unicorn! And I wrote 'sisters are the best of friends' on it!"
So much love, at school, when her sister wasn't even with her! Such careful detail to show what's special about each of them! My heart is soaring. I imagine her hunched over her desk, surrounded by her classmates and the hubbub of school, working so hard to think about her little sister's favorite things and to make this special representation of their love for each other, completely unprompted. "I love it, Sweetie! She'll love it so much! I can't wait for her to see it when you get home!"
Sisters really do make the best of friends, just like the words on a shirt I bought her when she became a big sister. I love that's she's internalized that phrase, and that they both live it every day.
"What're you turning on the TV for?" Rainbow Girl cranes her neck from her spot crouched on the floor, playing with the VTech Smart Animals set affectionately known in our house as "Kitty and Baba's house".
"Oh, there's something special I'm hoping we can see today..." I grin.
"What is it? What is it? What is it?" Sweetie starts leaping around the family room, and Rainbow soon imitates her.
I just smile and find the right place to click on the tv's YouTube app until the event pops up... with a preview picture of someone very special!
"LAURIE!!!!" Both girls squeal and jump as if they're seeing a best friend or favorite family member.
The countdown timer appears, and after yelling, "church!" because it's the same one our church uses before online services, they excitedly count down as they prance around the room. ("Is it church?" Rainbow Girl keeps interjecting, and I keep reassuring her, "It's just the same countdown as church. It's gonna be Laurie!")
"5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0..." Bouncing curls, bright eyes, a smile that seems to tell even me that everything is going to be ok, and a guitar appear, and it's spring of 2020 and 2 years of rocking chair snuggles all at once as Laurie Berkner launches into the song that's become our special lullaby, "When I Woke Up Today". Rainbow runs around the room for a verse and then scrambles onto my lap as if she can't decide if it's better to dance or cuddle to this song. "I shouted out 'hooray'! / 'cause I knew I'd see you..." I pull her close as I coo into her ear, "and we could sing together..."
Just like we've seen her do for 2 years now, Laurie looks straight into the camera after the song, telling us to grab our instruments and stuffed animals, seeming to talk right to us in that Mr. Rodgers-esque measured, caring way. Even I forget that she can't actually see us; her conversational tone is so authentic. It truly feels as if an old friend is visiting us as we notice the new decorations in her house and watch her tune her guitar, take sips of water, and dance around her family room as we frolic around ours.
blanket-monsters for the "Monster Boogie" today!
I can't believe it's been 2 years. Rainbow has grown from a sitting baby flailing her "Laurie shake-shake" to a preschooler who can actually jump along with "Chipmunk at the Gas Pump". We've curated our own playlists to enjoy when the daily Lives stopped and eagerly celebrated the release of new music videos. Sweetie has gone from finishing preschool remotely to thriving in person in 1st grade.
so little in spring 2020!
a quick dance break with their daddy in summer 2020!
When I see Laurie's smile, I remember how Rainbow gradually stopped crying as Laurie put on her mask at the end of every Facebook Live in spring 2020; how that simple act helped her understand that Laurie was still Laurie in a mask and by the time we actually started needing to wear masks, it was no big deal. I remember the guaranteed half hour of joy each day when the stress and weight of the pandemic lifted away as we danced and wiggled around this room and listened to Laurie tell us we were superheroes and she loved us. I remember the delight of learning fun new songs and the familiar comfort of classics we already knew. I remember stuffed animals on our heads, becoming goldfish and dinosaurs and monsters, and grabbing Husband out of the den to blast off Rocketship-Sweetie into the air while I lifted Rainbow-Rocketship beside her. I remember scooping up 1yo Rainbow to fly her around like a bumblebee. I remember the magical excitement of Laurie saying the girls' names or playing requested songs we put in the chat. I remember dragging all our our pool toys into house for the virtual beach concert and wearing our costumes for the Halloween one. I remember the way both girls' faces absolutely lit up every single time Laurie appeared on our TV, and the way Rainbow would grab favorite toys and run up to the TV to show Laurie, convinced that she could really see us. I remember both sisters running wildly around the house with their toy guitars, "Laurie shake-shake" (tambourine), toy Harry the Chipmunk, and superhero blanket-capes.
Most of all, I remember having something certain to look forward to when the days dragged into weeks and months, and hope turned into uncertainty, monotony, and frustration. And I remember, as we noticed small changes in Laurie's room, saw her dial in other bandmates from their houses across the miles, and watched her overcome technical challenges and learn new digital tricks, feeling like we were really in this together.
So on a much-too-frigid-to-be-outside, still-not-safe-from-Covid-indoors first day of Spring Break, there was truly "no better thing to do / than sing a song and hear you sing it too" with Laurie. Thank you, Laurie, for your concerts in our house these past 2 years. Someday, we hope to see you in person.
Rainbow, now 3, holding her own animal for "Pig on Head"!
"I wanna eat at the craft table!" Rainbow Girl scampers over to the white plastic table and pulls out a pink chair. "With YOU, Sis!"
Grabbing her Minnie Mouse plate and unicorn cup from the big table, Sweetie heads over to sit with her little sister. I remember how she loved that table when she was a toddler, and now she has to scrunch and squeeze to fit.
After rummaging in the pantry for my own lunch, I'm met with a sweet surprise: instead of each sitting on one side of the craft table like usual, both girls are huddled beside each other on the same side of the tiny table. "Aww, are you sitting right beside each other?" I scurry over to take a picture before one of them decides the other is too far in her space.
"You're the best sister in the world..." Sweetie puts an arm around her little sister and starts crooning the song she made up when Rainbow Girl was a baby. Rainbow leans against her shoulder and grabs her hand.
<3
When Sis finishes, Rainbow adopts her declarative reading / announcing / performing voice and starts singing the same song loudly back. "...you're the best sister in the world / come here, Sissy, / and give me a hug and kiss... / I love you, Sissy!"
Sis leans her face almost-too-close, gazing and grinning with wide blue eyes that glitter.
"Aw, look, she loves the song you made up for her!" I remember how my heart swelled when Sweetie first made it up, how I thought it was a one-time thing that she'd forget, and how she kept singing it to her baby sister for months. And now here's Rainbow, not a baby anymore, singing it back.
"Sister Time!" Rainbow Girl squeals as I buckle my seat belt.
"I'm getting it on, just a second!" I swipe to start their playlist and back out of the driveway, pausing to open the moon roof as soon as we're out into the dazzling sunshine (and clear of the possible threat of spiders falling into the car from the garage roof... something that has never happened but always occurs to me!).
The sunshine streams into the car and our bare arms soak up the warmth as if they've been thirsty for it all winter. The girls sing along in the backseat: "Sister, sister, sister time!", and the breeze playfully flips and whips our hair around as we head down the road to one of our favorite parks.
When I turn the corner out of our neighborhood onto a road with a higher speed limit, the wind whooshes into the car, tossing our long hair with more powerful tugs. Rainbow says something, but I can't quite hear her over the wind and music. I glance into the rearview mirror to see her still-light-as-baby's-hair flowing straight out from her head as she lets out a whooping cackle.
As I roll the windows up just enough to make the gusts more pleasant than overpowering, she loudly proclaims, "This air is yummy!"
Her big sister and I both giggle, then laugh out loud. But she's right. To be riding down the wooded road to our favorite park in March, in short sleeves, with windows and moon roof open, singing to our favorite songs, is absolutely delicious.
"It's so sweet!" Rainbow continues.
It is. So sweet. The fresh air, the taste of spring with hints of summer, the car ride, the sister time.
Book in hand, Sweetie slides onto the couch, declaratively reading the title aloud. Rainbow Girl scrambles to clamber up beside her, slip-pull-flail-climbing her way to her big sister's side as Sis opens the book and starts to read.
How amazing. She reads confidently, in mostly fluent phrases, occasionally problem-solving a particularly tricky word or phrase. Incredible. First, we read to her. Then she "read" memorized books to us, and to Rainbow when she was born. Now here she sits, truly reading real books to her little sister.
As Sweetie reads, Rainbow sidles closer, leaning her small shoulder against Sis. At times, she leans forward, pointing and wiggling a little finger, exclaiming "Who's that?!", patting something on a picture, or reaching out a dainty hand to help turn the page.
Pages and pages go by, and Rainbow nestles even farther into Sis, starting to twirl a section of hair near her forehead (her ultimate signal of sleepiness and relaxation).
See the hair twirling?
She reaches her other arm around Sis, who grins and hugs her back as she keeps reading.
<3 <3 <3!
There's just nothing better than these sweet sisters curled up together with a book... especially now that one can truly read to the other!
"Look, here comes Sis!" My mom, my dad, Husband, and I all point towards the middle of the park patio as Rainbow Girl bounces on Husband's lap. A reel comes on over the loudspeaker, and Sweetie bounce-skips gracefully out onto the patio with her classmates. They pause, one foot outstretched, in the Irish dance waiting pose. Suddenly, Sweetie glances over at us and flashes her hand up with her thumb, index, and pinky fingers raised in the "I love you" sign, before starting to dance.
Sweetie is on the left. It's hard to see, but her hand (which should be down at her side) is raised in the "I love you" sign! <3
"Awwww!" The family we don't know beside us coos.
"Look, Sis is saying 'I love you'!" I nudge Rainbow. "We love you, Sweetie!"
Rainbow Girl stretches both arms into the air, hands raised, little fingers clumsily fashioned into the same signal she just finally learned a few weeks ago. As we all watch Sis bounce lightly, graceful toes tapping in fancy footwork, Rainbow alternately claps, waves her arms wildly, and stretches out double "I love you" signs several more times.
Rainbow Girl working on the "I love you" sign while Sis performs on the park patio at our city's St. Patrick's Day celebration! <3
It's a gorgeous evening, but nothing is more gorgeous than the love these two share.
"It's SNOWING! It's SNOWING!" Rainbow Girl's blue eyes sparkle, wide, as she points out the window. "We can SLED! And make a SNOW ANGEL!"
The wind whips flurries around the yard, turning our view of the woods into a snow globe. Big Sis was supposed to dance in our city's St. Patrick's Day parade today, but it was canceled due to the frigid temperatures (on this one day, in the midst of weeks of overly warm days!). It's been a strange winter; we've had just a couple snows, and none in probably a month or more.
Little hands outstretched, the girls start to sing their favorite song from one of their favorite winter specials, Minnie's Winter Bow Show. "Snowflake, snowflake, sparkle and glowwwwww, my winter wish is for snow!!!"
When we step outside after the somewhat arduous process of layering up, we're glad the parade was canceled. A biting wind slashes at our faces immediately, and like every snow that's fallen this year, it's so bitterly cold that the flakes are light and fluffy. We haven't had a single packing snow for snowmen or snow forts! Yet despite the wind, I'm struck by the absolute silence. It's incredible how snow must absorb sound; it's like we've entered a magical world of pure tranquility.
"What's that?!" Rainbow Girl points at the roll of foil in my hand.
"Foil! Let's make our snowballs for the 4th of July!"
Just last night, Sweetie had forlornly realized that we'd never saved any snowballs for our family tradition. I'd really thought we'd have another snow, and we almost didn't! We're all disappointed today's parade was canceled, but at least now we get to throw snow in the summer after all!
Both girls gather snow in their little mittens and help me put it on pieces of foil. Last year our snowballs froze too hard, so maybe looser snow will actually be better. It's an experiment!
Once we have several foil-wrapped snowballs, we grab the sleds. The girls hop-run excitedly up the backyard hill and we race down in various combinations: them sledding alone, sitting, lying down, in our laps, riding on our backs. "Wheeeeeee!" Rainbow Girl giggles and squeals every time.
"1-2-ready-go!"
It's not what we'd planned for this particular day, but it's still magical.
Sun streams through the windshield, making Rainbow Girl's hair in the mirror seem lighter than it really is. It's chilly today, but it looks deceivingly beautiful as we zip along the country roads, taking the long way home, as always. For most of last year, she hated the car (probably because the only place we went all spring and summer was to the doctor to get shots!), but in the fall, she suddenly decided riding in the car was so fun that she didn't want to get out, loudly yelling "I don't WANT head home!" when we approached our neighborhood. Suddenly, she would screech "YEAH! RIDE IN THE CAR!" when I said it was time to pick up one of Sweetie's free school lunches for remote learners, and one of our sanity-saving winter activities became driving around for an extra 20-30 minutes on any day the lunch is something Sweetie likes.
Just a few minutes from our house, we can zoom along safe, fun backroads with rolling hills, gorgeous views, and few other cars. One minute we're gliding past wide-open, placid farm fields, and around the next bend, we're winding through wooded areas where long, gated driveways lead to mansions we can barely catch glimpses of. On one of our favorite routes, we even sail past the historic, well-preserved farm where the namesake of Sweetie's school, a freed slave, became the first Black farm-owner in the county and hid escaping slaves on the Underground Railroad. Just down the road, we peer at the reservoir that now covers the riverbank caves where the escaping slaves would hide until the farm owners rang a bell that signaled safety, and we think about the courage of all involved.
When we're not contemplating history, the girls balance singing loudly along to their playlist, looking at books, and looking out the window. With her musical car mirror, Rainbow Girl can see out the front windshield too, even though she's rear-facing, and I love seeing her little finger in my rearview mirror, pointing into her mirror at something we're approaching. "LOOK!" she'll screech, "DIGGERS!" (Both girls are in love with construction vehicles of all kinds.) Or I'll see her holding up a book, tiny finger on a picture, declaring, "A rabbit! Look, a rabbit!" or "I see Brown Bear, Brown Bear!"
She also loves to introduce each song by shrieking her special nickname for it when she hears the first few notes. For example,"How Far I'll Go" from Moana is "Pig!" because she likes watching for Moana's pig friend to appear in the music video during our YouTube playlist dance parties. "For the First Time in Forever" from Frozen is "Quack Quacks!" or "Duckies!" because she loves the little family of ducks that waddles by Anna at one point in the video.
In the car, it's astonishing to see how much she's memorized each video as she narrates her favorite songs by describing what happens in the video, exactly at the right moment in the song, announcing when Moana "dives in the pool!" in "I am Moana", or when Elsa shoots off ice fireworks in "Some Things Never Change".
Even better, she narrates the Spanish ones too, and while I know she just has the songs and their videos memorized like the English ones, she's also connecting the Spanish lyrics she's learning to the pictures in her head from the videos, and starting to learn what some words mean. I'm so proud when she declares, "Nariz means nose!", "I like melon!" or shakes her body at the correct times when "Hormiguita" comes on in the car. (Sweetie loves to help by tickling her in the correct body part as the ant crawls around!) Or when she tells what each letter does in "La Ronda de Vocales": "He bring a present for her mommy! He eats! He rides her bike!" (At just over two, she's still working on English too, and one of her more adorable explorations right now is pronouns that don't always agree with themselves.)
Sweetie, who loves to be Elsa, mostly asks questions about the sights and helps make sure her little sister has the right book or her water cup... until the Frozen songs come on. Then she's fully focused on singing every word at the top of her lungs, making Elsa-ice-power motions with her hands (sometimes copied by Rainbow).
I'm glad we'll be able to start enjoying more time outdoors and using the car to really go to parks (and eventually more normal places), but these winter car rides have been a fun way to get out of the house and yard while still being safe at home together!
"Hormiguita (Ant)" is one of our favorite songs, and I'm so grateful that there are amazing YouTube channels like La Gallina Pintadita with high-quality visuals (and sing-along lyrics for my budding reader) so I can give them access to a whole wider range of Spanish input! Before I discovered this and curated a playlist, Rainbow Girl (with her aversion to new things) was not a fan of me trying to use Spanish. Now, not only does she love Spanish songs, she's gleefully starting to use Spanish to communicate, just like her big Sis and Mommy!
"Eat outside! Eat outside!" Rainbow Girl's dainty nose and chubby fingers are pressed against the sliding glass door. At her shoulder, Sweetie fidgets impatiently. Apparently this suggestion was a hit! I giggle as Husband and I take turns shuffling the highchair, plates, cups, and dinner items out to the deck, dodging the increasingly wiggly sisters each time.
"Lunchables! I can eat it outSIDE!" Rainbow Girl bounces wildly against me as I lift her into her highchair, clutching her new favorite dinner. Sunbeams stream across her hair as the golden low sun wafts through the woods and across the backyards. "Bologna meat! It tastes good!" she declares, opening her mouth as wide as it can reach. "It's my fwavworite!"
"That's right! You're such a big girl, eating meat like a big girlie! You tried a new food and it tasted good!" Over the past week, she's finally decided (at several months past 2) to eat meat, and I still feel a deep sense of relief whenever she chooses it. "Meat makes you strong!"
The breeze ruffles our hair and tries to swipe our napkins as both girls chatter over the sounds of birds chirping, neighbor kids playing, and a few vehicles driving down the street. Some weight I didn't know I was carrying seems to be lifting from my back as I squint into the setting sun.
"Guess what we have for dessert?" Sweetie leans towards her little sister, jittery with excitement, once Rainbow has polished off all the bologna and most of the crackers. She's had a hard time keeping this secret for the past few hours. "While you were napping, the ice cream truck came! And I picked you out a special treat!"
Our ice cream truck cruises through the neighborhood so fast it's notoriously hard to catch, so Sweetie was ecstatic when we managed to flag it down today, after several failed attempts already this spring!
By the time I come back outside from grabbing our surprise desserts out of the freezer, Rainbow's legs are jutting straight out and her little fists are clenched in delight. "Heppa Kitty! Heppa Kitty!" she squeals as I hand her the bright package. "Can I eat it?!"
"Of course!" I open the wrapper and hand her the pink Hello Kitty bar, showing her how to hold the stick. She tentatively bends her mouth towards it and takes a small nibble, then keeps going. I realize we should get a bowl, spoon, and bib, but she looks so cute eating it off the stick!
Enjoying the treat her sister picked out for her during our successful conquest of the ice cream truck!
The sun sinks lower as I bite into my Creamsicle and Sweetie gleefully jabbers about her humongous Jolly Rancher Bomb Pop. Our neighbor waves as he grills burgers on his driveway, and the shouts of the neighborhood kids echo around us. I can't believe it's March!Some years we have snow still! It's chilly enough that Sweetie ends up asking for her sequined Elsa jacket before we're done, but it's still an unmistakeable taste of summer. Or at least, the assurance that summer is coming.
As I lift Rainbow out of her highchair, she announces, "I'm happy! ... because..." (long pause) "I like Heppa Kitty! I loooove Heppa Kitty!" In her patented snuggle gesture, she sticks up one elbow and buries her head in it.
I hug her a little tighter and whisper into her silky hair with a kiss, remembering all the times I ran out to the ice cream truck with my dad. "I'm happy you're happy, honey bun!"
One of our favorite Laurie songs pops into my head. It doesn't take much to make a party day now: just some beautiful weather and time together (of course, an ice cream truck surprise doesn't hurt!).
"Can we go wee-a-bike?" Rainbow Girl is big enough to say "ride bikes" now, and sometimes she does, but I love when she decides to use the cute term she created last summer instead. I love remembering how when she first started riding in the bike seat behind me, she crooned "weeeeee!" all along the path.
It's pretty windy, but the sun is shining, and Sweetie's fancy new big-girl bike has gears. "Sweetie, your sister wants to go for a bike ride. It's pretty windy, but you could use your gears to help you."
"I can do it without my gears! I'm strong!"
I giggle. "Ok, but if you need them, they can make it easier for you!"
"It's a pretty day!" Rainbow Girl chimes back in, just in case we haven't made up our minds yet.
In just a few minutes, we're pedaling up the big hill, buffeted by periodic gusts of wind that give way to brief periods of calm when the sunshine almost feels hot on our arms.
"I'm in gear 4!" Sweetie reports as we head into the meadow, probably to assure me that she doesn't need her gears for the wind. So am I, I think as I push against the wind, even though I'm usually in 6 or 7. She's so stubborn!
"There's spring peeper frogs! I drew them!" Rainbow Girl calls out as soon as we hear them chirping from the first patch of water near the path. "I can color them again!"
"Yes, you drew such a nice picture of the peeper frogs the other day! I love your coloring!" She is such a nature girl! What other two year old knows spring peepers?!
Sweetie riding by where the spring peepers have been chirping!
Sure enough, around the next bend she declares, "Turkey Vulture!" and when I look up, there one is, circling gracefully above us. A few minutes later, I see her grab her ear in the rearview mirror as she announces, "I hear a mourning dove!" Any other two year old would just say "bird"!
We approach the fountain pond, and Rainbow Girl shrieks, "We can look for the snake! I wish I can see the snake!"
"He's probably hiding!" There's no way that poor snake is going to come sun himself out here again for quite awhile.
"I'm going to look in his habitat!" Sweetie yells, jumping off her bike and running over the the pile of reeds she chased him into.
Looking for the snake / finding the best reeds to throw in the pond!
They scamper back and forth across the grass for a few minutes, and then it's time to ride home, Sweetie chattering happily in front of me and Rainbow Girl prattling at my back. The wind whips roughly at us, but it's so warm even its strength is more pleasant than irritating. If I look out into where the tree branches crisscross the blue sky, it's almost like we're flying, and John Denver pops into my head. This isn't West Virginia, but it's close, and more importantly, it's beautiful. And it's where I belong.
She was so funny in the gift shop. It was already more than a half hour after I'd planned to leave the zoo and we're trying not to go into buildings, so I'd figured we'd zip quickly into the kids' gift shop, grab one sea lion the girls could share, and get going to the car.
Once we found the sea lion corner (since it's a new exhibit, there was truly a whole wall of sea lion items), it didn't take Sweetie long to pick one out: a smooth, silky brown sea lion that looked just like the ones we'd seen. I was pointing out a few other choices, just to make sure she saw the different styles and had the one she really wanted, when Rainbow Girl pointed towards a bin on the floor I hadn't even seen, filled with fluffy gray sea lion pups.
"Can I have THAT one?" she declared, both arms reaching out.
"You want one of these?!" I picked one up, checking the tag to see if it was even supposed to be a sea lion since it didn't look anything like the ones we'd seen. I wondered if it was some kind of seal, but sure enough, the tag said "sea lion". "We were going to get this one!" I held out her sister's brown, realistic one.
"I want THOSE!" she strained against her stroller straps, still pointing at the fluffy gray ones.
My heart melted. It was her first time ever picking anything out, not having been in any kind of store since she was a tiny baby. I glanced at the price tag (not too bad) and decided we could probably swing two stuffed animals to commemorate our new best animal friends, first trip to the zoo (& first real "activity") in over a year.
I started doing what my mom always does, picking up a few animals to inspect, making sure we get one that's not smushed or coming unthreaded.
"NO, Mommy! I WANT it!!!" Now she was waving her arms wildly and shaking her head vigorously, desperate for a fluffy gray sea lion. I hurriedly handed her one and she immediately wrapped it in her arms, dipping her head into its fur in her deepest snuggle-pose. "Mmmmm!"
"But I want THIS one, Mommy!" Sweetie waved the brown one in my face, worried that I was going to tell her to put it back.
"It's ok, we can get both!" I winked. "She's never gotten to pick out anything from a store before!" We scurried to the checkout counter, where Rainbow Girl refused to let go of her new friend for even a second, starting to get distressed as soon as she saw her sister hand the brown sea lion up to be scanned. Luckily, the very smart employee offered to let me cut the tag off while she still held it, and then scanned the discarded tag so the snuggles could continue uninterrupted.
After being completely baffled that I had to insert my card into the chip reader, demonstrating that I'd apparently forgotten how to pay for things in person while being at home all this time, we finally headed towards the car, long after they should have both been down for their naps.
On the way home, glancing in the rear view mirror, I smiled at the sight of both of them snuggling their sea lions. Rainbow Girl was absolutely enthralled with hers, gazing at it, little fingers petting its fluffy fur and tapping its shiny eyes. "It have blue eyes!" she declared at one point. "It's new! Never had it before!"
It ate some crackers with her at home, then had to come upstairs as I unsuccessfully tried to get her late-for-nap self to put it down for a nap somewhere. In her room, I was also unsuccessful at getting her to put it to sleep on a shelf. It stayed tucked under her arm while I got her pajamas on, then clutched tight in one hand in the rocking chair with Nutbrown Hare in the other hand.
I'll definitely be able to swipe it when she goes to sleep, I thought, but there was no such luck. Even when her breathing slowed on my chest and I laid her in her crib, I couldn't tug it loose. I'll just wait a minute until she's deeper asleep. I watched her peaceful breathing and tugged again. Still tightly snuggled.
"TWO ANIMALS!!!" she screeched in wonder when she woke up, holding them both in outstretched arms. "SEA LION AND NUTBROWN HARE! I LOVE HIM!"
Snuggling both in her highchair!
Since the thought of her sleeping with something that large and fluffy still makes me a little nervous, we've managed to get her into bed without him since that first nap (despite a bit of campaigning for "Sea lion! TWO animals!"), but she still wants him right away whenever she wakes up, and Sweetie is so excited to bring him to her. As soon as she hugs him, I think of how she chose him for herself. She knows just what she wants. Such a big little girl, growing up every day!
As both girls scamper through the field, I breathe deeply to savor the fresh spring air, relishing the warmth of the sun on my face and the gentle breeze that brushes my skin on its way to rustle the long grass.
"What's THAT?!" Rainbow Girl's little finger points at something behind me. I turn away from the pond, expecting to tell her something mundane like a bird or a plant blowing in the wind. Something long, skinny, and light brown, sideways against the grass, catches my eye. One of those reeds they've been throwing in must've blown over here, I think, and start to say, "a stick"... when the "stick" starts wiggling furiously.
"A SNAKE! YOU FOUND A SNAKE!" I shriek as my eyes take in the details of its striped, scaly body slithering through the grass. "SWEETIE, LOOK! YOUR SISTER FOUND A SNAKE!!! LOOK, RIGHT BY THE SHADOW OF MY HELMET!"
See him?
Sweetie sprints over from the edge of the pond. "OH! WHERE?! I SEE IT! Can we catch it? Can I touch it?"
"We're not catching it, no," I giggle, "and I don't think he wants you to touch him..."
It doesn't matter; she's already leaping forward, squatting down, her hand almost coming down right on top of the poor snake who had frozen for a second, hoping he was camouflaged. A frantic, wriggly race ensues as the swift, skinny creature twists and glides through the grass, trying to evade the outstretched hands of the panting, pouncing 5-year-old monster chasing it, blonde hair flying in all directions. "Ooh, I almost got him! He's so fast!" He darts and squirms, she dashes and swoops.
No fear!
At one point, it really looks like her fingers brush his tail, but she says she didn't feel anything. Finally, he dives into the pile of reeds they'd been picking up to toss in the pond, and I have to tell her to stop when she starts digging into them. "Let him rest! He's scared! Besides, we have to head home for your second meeting!"
"Snake! Snake! It was wiggling!" Rainbow Girl shouts as we scurry back to the bikes.
"Yes! Thank you for showing us the snake, Rainbow!" I can't believe she really spotted a snake. We wouldn't have seen it if she hadn't said something. "Thank you for telling Mommy about it! I didn't see it until you said, 'What's that?'!" I give her an extra kiss as I lift her into the bike seat.
Grinning proudly in my rear-view mirror, she tells the story to nobody in particular the whole way home. "I said, 'What's that!" I saw a snake! It was wiggling!"
"Do we have a book about snakes?" Sweetie calls back over her shoulder as she pedals furiously. "I want to know what kind it is!"
"Oh, it's a garter snake!" I chuckle. There's no way I would've let you chase it and try to pet it if I didn't know what kind it was! "But sure, we can try to read about them later today!"
"Read a snake book!" Rainbow chimes happily.
I always feel like I'm flying on the bike, but even more so right now. I love that both girls are nature girls, just like me. And I love that they're both so curious, and that they're excited to find out more by reading books!
Maybe it's because the sun is shining so brightly this Sunday that it casts floating sunbeams around the girls as they dance to the worship songs coming from our TV.
Maybe it's the sight of the girls frolicking around under that sunshine, cheerfully sporting their favorite unicorn masks at the church's socially distanced Easter egg hunt, waving at church friends in person (from afar) for the first time in months.
Meeting the Easter Bunny!
Mostly, I think it's the way, as I tell Rainbow to hold my hand in the parking lot as she toddles beside me, I realize that's the first time I've ever done that. We've hardly been anywhere since she could walk, and I've mostly carried her through the parking lots of the few places we've been to, partly out of habit and partly because she's usually glued to me. As her tiny hand grips mine and she scampers beside me, I think of how big she must seem to the church staff who greet us. She was still such a baby the last time we went to church, and most of these people haven't seen her since then.
Now, she proudly declares, "I'm not a baby anymore! I'm a big girl!" whenever we mention a memory from when she was a baby, or whenever we talk about how big she's getting.
Yesterday, she ate bologna for the first time!
She's learning to wash her hands by herself (even though we have to splash water from the faucet onto her because her little arms don't even come close).
She talks constantly, in huge, multi-part sentences, navigating a variety of grammatical structures. (I know, I'm a language nerd.)
She decides she loves the Easter Bunny as soon as she sees him, proudly showing him her basket and asking to go say hi to him again every few minutes. "I like the Easter Bunny!" she announces, flashing her signature crinkly-eyed "happy smile".
After just a few times of us pointing out the eggs to her, she quickly learns to squat down, grab an egg, and put it in her fluffy white bunny basket.
Instead of burrowing into my shoulder and shaking her head dramatically, she actually says hi to the children's church staff that she usually sees on Zoom, excited to see them in person.
Yes, she's a big girl now. And anyone outside of our immediate family has missed this gradual-but-sudden transition from baby to small person. They didn't see it, but she has been growing and changing so much, right before our eyes.
<3
The song "Waymaker" starts flowing through my head:
"Even when I don't see it, You're working,
Even when I can't feel it, You're working,
You never stop, You never stop working,
You never stop, You never stop working..."
Because God is here on this beautiful day, but He has also been here all this time.
He has been here through the challenges of 2020 and He will be here into whatever comes next. He has been here through the frigid winter and into this bright spring. He was with us when we thought we might not be able to give Sweetie a sibling, He was with Rainbow Girl in the NICU, He was with us as she grew stronger, He was with us as we figured out how to be a family of four, and He has been here with us as she becomes a little person.
Even when we couldn't see it, He was working. He never. stops. working.
Just when light came back into our lives from the darkness we'd been living, the world turned dark. And it has been so, so dark, in so many ways. But He is more than just a light in that darkness, He is actively working to bring us out of it. He did it for our family and He is doing it for the world.
Even when we don't see it. Even when we don't feel it.
COVID. Racism. Hatred. Xenophobia. Isolation. Loss. Burnout. Discouragement. On top of all the "usual" struggles that come with being human, the personal tragedies and struggles we all face. It's hard, sometimes, to see the light. It's hard to see Him working for good. But he is.
Just as there is sunshine and warmth after the winter, just as friendship and love outlast distance, just as tiny preemie NICU babies on breathing machines grow into little-big girls who scamper through fields... beauty will come of this broken world.
"Can you get my sea lion?" Rainbow Girl has only been awake for a few minutes. This is the third thing she's said through the monitor. Still in love with the sea lion, ok.
The new sea lion exhibit was our last stop on Tuesday after she finally decided the zoo was fun. It's right near the exit, so I figured we'd swing by quickly on our way back to the car. Since it was built during COVID, I had no idea how much I'd underestimated it, and I wasn't even sure it would be open. At this point of the year, a lot of animals are still just in their back areas until it gets warmer.
35 minutes after I planned to leave, we were heading in the opposite direction from the car, backtracking to the kids' gift shop to buy a toy sea lion to commemorate our newest love. Yes, all three of us were in absolute love.
Hidden around the corner from a snack shop, the exhibit didn't seem like much at first. We came to one full-length glass window with the waterline halfway up it. I peered through the hazy blue depths but only saw some sort of long, floating string for the seals to play with. They're probably not out yet, I thought, and I was about to turn towards the car when Sweetie screeched, "I see something!!!"
"You do?" I squinted again. She probably sees that string thingy...
"Yes! Yes!" she squealed, and I caught a flash of dark movement out of the corner of my eye.
We rounded the corner to find a much bigger window going downhill farther under the water, opening onto a lengthy path that wound still farther down. Oh, this is waaaaaay bigger than I thought!
In the fake-rock stucco beside this larger window, I saw a little sign: "Children's Bubble Window." "Look! You can go in here and it will be like you're in the water with them!" Sweetie scrambled in immediately, and Rainbow Girl started wriggling in her stroller seat, asking if she could go in too.
Almost as soon as their little hands hit the glass (ugh, we'd avoided touching things all afternoon... but we have lots of anti-bacterial wipes), another dark shadow zipped by. Then a dark submarine shape started heading straight towards us, turning gracefully to show off its flippers just before it got to the bubble.
Mesmerized!
"THAT?!" Rainbow Girl exclaimed.
"That's a seal!" (A docent later informed us that these were all sea lions. There are also seals, but they weren't out.)
After a few minutes, another family came up behind us, so we gave them a turn in the bubble and continued down the path... to discover the most enormous, farthest-underwater window yet! Now we could see several seal lions shooting through the water like torpedos, rolling and gliding around the rocks. As we watched, giggling and calling out "Look! There's one! Look at that one!", it became clear that different sea lions each had their own favorite paths through the exhibit.
Sweetie perched herself up on the curb, pressed against the glass, chattering about every detail to nobody in particular. Rainbow, who I'd put back in the stroller, leaned forward against her straps, craning her neck to try to catch one coming around a corner. "'Nother one?!" she kept clamoring.
Woosh!
"Can we go back in the Bubble?" Sweetie implored.
The other family had moved on and no one was in sight, so back up to the bubble we scampered. Then back to the big window. Then, we saw the door at the end of the path. We'd so far avoided any indoor enclosures, but this was obviously special, and when the automatic doors welcomed us in, there was only one small family way farther up the tunnel. Because yes, there was a tunnel, like at some of those giant aquariums Husband and I had been to before we had kids. And it wasn't very long, so we could be outside again in just a few minutes, and we had good masks on. It'll be ok. We'll just walk through quickly.
The sparkly, blue-bubbled-glass-like blend of mottled sunshine and water glittered above our heads as the sea lions gracefully soared around us. "There's even water under us!" Sweetie shrieked.
"You can walk on the water!" Rainbow echoed.
Do you see the glass floor with water under it that Sweetie's about to step onto?
It was beautiful, but also exciting enough to walk in that both girls moved through pretty quickly, to my relief. Back outside, in safer air, we discovered a metal ramp leading to an overhead viewing area, which the sisters scampered up almost faster than I could keep up, pounding their feet against the metal in delight.
An employee at the top tried to answer my questions about the sea lions while Rainbow Girl twirled around like she was on a giant stage and Sweetie romped from one end of the fence to another. "Look! One came up for air!" I tried to call their attention to the sea lions, but the overlook itself was apparently more exciting than trying to peer down at the mostly-underwater creatures.
Until, hearing a keeper in their back area, several of them jumped up onto a platform! "They're showing off for us!"
They look so different on land!
Suddenly, we heard a loud bellow. "THAT?!" Rainbow inquired.
"That's the sea lion! He's saying hi to you!" I can't believe we got to hear them make their noise!
"Do you want to go back down to peek in the water again?"
"Yeah! To the Bubble!" We scurried back down and thankfully, nobody else was there, so the girls pressed themselves in for the third time. Little hands reached out, trying to grab and pat them through the glass.
"Here they come!" The seal whose favorite path shoots him straight at the bubble was already rocketing towards us.
"Look, the water's all around! I wish I was in it! I want to be inside with them! I wish they would flop themselves onto the bubble! They're humongous! Seals, I love you!" Sweetie jabbered happily, with her little sister giggling, echoing and adding on.
"Can I have them? Hi seals! Seals, I love you!" Flapping hands, wiggly bodies.
Then, another bellow echoed from beside us.
"THAT?! What's THAT?!"
"The seal's saying hi again! Let's go see!"
Just around the corner from the bubble, the most gigantic seal was upright in the water with his face poking above the surface, giant mouth open. He spun, flippers sending a hurricane of splashes out in all directions. Flopping back down under the water, he swam up to the corner window, and opened his mouth fiercely at his reflection. Then he shot upright again as a keeper tossed a fish at him.
"She's feeding him! That's why he's so excited! He wants his food!"
He let out another thunderous bellow.
"THAT?! That 'ehhh' sound?!" Rainbow exclaimed as if she didn't just hear it and get an explanation a minute ago.
"That's the sea lion! He's making his sound! He's saying hi!"
"AUHHHHHH!" Sweetie imitated him as we all watched him splash and frolic, catching thrown fish mid-air in his mouth.
Mouth open, asking for another fish!
We were supposed to already be home by now, but I couldn't drag myself away, let alone them. Finally, we decided to peek in the Bubble one more time and then head home.
But first, we just had to head to that gift shop to bring home a stuffed sea lion friend!
I remember learning that manatees are probably what sailors thought were mermaids, but after seeing these beautiful sea lions flip and glide up close, I think they just might be the closest thing. When I ask Sweetie what song she thinks I just pair with this story, she chooses Laurie's "A Mermaid Song" without hesitation.
